Devaluation

The perfect title for the first chapter on you.

How selfish an act it must have been?
Equating our relationship into an exchange value between clusters of people
And not class.
Because we all belonged to more or less the same class
Except you.

You were always classless
or you stood for an entire community of people
Whose lives have enticed me
So much so that I grew to love them
Through you.

I objectified you because I needed an abstraction from you
Exclusive love is an abstraction
If you come to see life in philosophical terms.
Somewhere down the line, I felt I have started caring about you
My class thought that always.
Not the class which studies with me
Or doesn't turn up in class.
But it happened that day, I started to question
why I care about you?

These are not questions of travel
but Questions asked during moments of travelling
From Vishwavidyalaya to Kailash Colony.
Its a one hour and ten minutes ride to a coffee shop
Which saw us order one espresso every evening
For Some months and some days.
I use some these days
Its a better adjective to quantify the times
We spent walking together but alone.

After the Sun arrived
These words shouldn't have seen the light of the day
But they are.
Maybe with the hope that you might just pass by
Read through this
and not claim
to have understood what I've meant so far.

I didn't want us to be sorted out in definite terms.
I wanted to hurt myself and everyone else in
this indefiniteness that misplaced desires could give us.

You live with your misconceptions.
I'll live with mine.